I’m kind of an expert at giving opinions.

It’s a defense mechanism, really.

And I’m damn good at spewing useless junk from my mouth while also, in a nearly flawless verbal transfer, ridiculing your other people’s sad and misinformed opinions.

Which leads us to this horrible ruin of words and my focus on poker, blogging, cussing and incoherent babbling. I love the sport of poker.  Yes, the “sport.” By damned, if rednecks can sit down for a few hours make left turns all day and be considered athletes, then so too can the average tubs sit, make no left turns for a few hours and still be considered an athlete.  There is much in common between Suckscar and Poker: they both require mental toughness, the ability to use your wrist and elbows, they both need comfy seats and your average card or grease monkey must have a big and hardened bladder.

In a room crowded with poker people, how would you know who farted?  Better yet, how would you get caught, so long as your mud flaps didn’t send sound ripples that would give you away?  Why is this not discussed on the World Series of Poker tournaments?  Is there a handout given to all of the noob athletes on proper seat-tooting etiquette? Speaking of which, have you mastered your poker face?  Be sure to train with the necessary accessories when starting or maintaining your poker face.  Please always include: sunglasses, hat, moustache, carnival music, second set of sunglasses, a hoodie and saran wrap.  Without these key essentials, even the greatest in the World of Cards can fail to make the simplest of bluffs.  Don’t be the fooled, be the fooler.  Word.

Kind of in a lull in the poker world, at the moment.  Need to get that WSOP in running order.  Oh that’s right, it has begun.   Yea, that just happened.

So get ready for some Norman Chad shenanigans, quirky observations and jokes that only another paid announcer would laugh at.  This year WSOP is giving 12 mil for the winner.  That’s almost 11 million dollars! But more! Of course, as this major tournament progresses, it’s always a good time to catch up on the old tourneys.  Just like watching American Idol Rewind, which I totally don’t do.
Or there’s some other things hitting the television now and again.  Baseball playoffs, college and/or pro football.  Little things like that (wait till next year, my cubbies). So in the meantime, this blog takes the random route.
Instant replay in poker, or no?

I, for one, am against any talk of adding instant replay or a coach’s challenge to this wonderful game. The human element is what’s makes it so endearing.  If we’re just gonna let the machines rewind and mess up the game well then brother, I’m out.  Now gimmie my refund, I’m heading over to the WSOGF (World Series of Go Fish) and you won’t be seeing my flat butt here anymore.  Ugh, hold on, true believers.  That Chipotle burrito I ate from yesterday is turning to the dark side.  See, this is why I’m not in the WSOP.  No rectal stamina.  I eat the wrong thing and boom, little turtle heads be poking through the yonder.  Wait. I got it.  Space diapers. 

If Louie Armstrong, the first man on the moon and an incredible trumpet player, can self-crap and still be a modern American hero, than so can I.  Boom goes the dynamite.  Well thanks for reading and enjoy the tourney.  I’ll be corrupting your brain faces as often as possible with any quirks and quips regarding the poker world. And once we get the Deerfield Poker Series up and running again then I’ll be damn sure to get the word out on our card night shenanigans. Personal goal : win millions of dollars.  And then I’ll teach you how to steal make your own cool mil. 

Send me some ideas, Asian porn or stupid card tricks.

jonathan at ShlinkLincolnSports dot com

and I will use those words to judge you.

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Tags: amabisca, american, babbling, chad, chipotle, corrupt, crap, cubs, cussing, deerfield, diapers, dps, face, farts, football, idol, instant, jonathan, million, nascar, norman, playoffs, Poker, replay, rewind, ripples, series, shenanigans, shlinklincoln, space, sports, sucks, tournament, WSOP

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 at 6:29 pm and is filed under WSOP. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.