For the sake of the man’s family, i’ve decide not to tell you his name. However, if you know Paul “Smalls” Kitsos, a morbidly obese man who had to buy two tickets for an airplane ride and then DIED on the flight, then i have some bad news.

Seems that about 20 minutes into the flight Tons of Fun pressed the help button. According to the flight attendant, he was “sweating profusely and breathing heavily” and the flight attendant initially thought he had tried to stand up out of his seat. It was later discovered that he swallowed a raccoon whole and it had, regretfully, attacked his internal organs in search of food. Food which was discovered to be quite plentiful. PETA issued a statement condemning the planet-sized man for inhaling a living creature and hopes that the animal will be able to live out the remainder of its life in the swollen, purple, bloated stomach of a rat bastard so large that pressurizing the cabin stopped his heart from beating.

Ethiopia met with the U.N. Security Council this morning with an urgent request to have Tubsy’s heart, noting that it could feed a tribe of 40 men and women for months. China vetoed the measure.

Most of that is a joke. It taking FOUR policemen to pick up the lard ass and get him off the plane…that part is true……sadly sadly true.

Now that you’ve laughed…he has an 18 year old Autistic son…and they text’d each other just before Smalls boarded the plane.

Yea…how you feel now? Kid’s got no dad…you people are unbelievable.

Anyway, in other news it has come to my attention that Poker, as a whole, needs some new names. NFL has Terrell Owens, NBA has Ron Artest, PGA has John Daly but what the hell does Poker have, honestly? There’s no cultural jack ass that transcends the sport to become some kinda nut bag that it’s actually fun to always hate him and hope for pain upon his loins.

Which is why I am submitting my name into the Worlds Series of Poker’s Junior Achievers Tournament. I figure a grown ass man against a bunch of kids taunting them endlessly will lend the sport the final marker it needs to go mainstream.

Please write to your local Congress-person or Senator-person to demand my name, Jonathan Danger Awesome Amabisca, included in the upcoming event. And if the event doesn’t exist, let’s get this one started. Like, now.

Send me some blog ideas, Asian porn or stupid card tricks at jonathan@shlinklincolnsports.com and I will use those words to judge you.